Why You Need To Fight For Time Together

by | Feb 28, 2018 | Marriage, Relationships

Photo Title: A Young Melis and Ann On A Date 

Do you remember when you first started dating your spouse?

I do…

Melis was a couple of years older, tall and confident. He’s all I could think about and every chance we had, we spent together.

Was it like that for you too?

Late night phone calls (before texting, IMs, Snapchat)… long dates… you just couldn’t get enough of each other.

Then life gets busy with kids, careers, volunteering, or family and that longing to be together gets lost in the mix… and eventually if we’re not intentional, it may even disappear.

And that’s NOT good.

So, if you’re not spending time together, then it’s time to go to the mat over this.

Some things are worth the battle… and the first of four areas we need to fight about in our marriage is time together.

#1 – We Need To Fight About Time Together

Spending time together is SO important. We can’t grow as a couple without being together because “knowing” helps us to keep growing. And in order to know each other better, we need time together.

There is simply no shortcut for time together. 

Knowing each other is a big part of love. It helps us feel connected, attached and bonded to each other.

If I don’t know what’s happening in Melis’ life, then I can’t stay in the know. However, sometimes this happens because of life…

Melis and I have very busy seasons on the farm, especially in the spring and fall. During these seasons, we actually fall out of the know with each other. This certainly isn’t intentional… it just happens because we don’t have that much time together.

However, we know that the busy time is ONLY for a season and not a normal part of our rhythm.

Because of that, we deliberately guard Sundays when Melis is at home to make sure we’re intentional about spending time together to reconnect.

That’s also why the high/low/appreciation exercise is so important to us… because even on our busiest days when he’s not home until 10:30 pm or 11:00 pm, we still take a few moments to connect each day.

And that little bit of connection helps us get through the busy seasons until we’re back to our regular rhythm where we spend Gottman’s six (or five) magic hours together.

If this is an area where you’re struggling in your marriage, then I want to encourage you that this is not an area that you want to just let go. Our lives are incredibly busy and the speed of life continues to increase… If you’ve never heard this before, then I want to be the first one to tell you: 

You CAN’T and DON’T have to do it all (phew)!

If you know how to re-prioritize your life to make sure that you’ll spend more time with your spouse, then let’s go ahead and do that today. Don’t wait.

Still not sure how to help your marriage?

Melis and I hit rock bottom in our marriage and yet we turned it around. I can help you do that too. Get the help you need today.

Want to read the other blog posts about what is worth fighting about? Click on the posts below:

About Ann

Ann is on a mission to equip Christian women to communicate confidently and clearly for a closer connection. The good news? Communication is a skill so anyone can learn it even if you’re struggling to communicate right now. Want to communicate more clearly and confidently?…

More About Ann


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Contact us now


Ann Visser


Life Coach


Want to communicate clearly and confidently for a closer connection? Start now by getting a free gift of the 7-day mini email marriage course.


© 2017-2022 4Better 4Ever Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Pin It on Pinterest