The Secret To Success: The Secret Sauce Of The Commitment Cycle – Part 2

by | Nov 19, 2019 | Leadership, Mindset, Personal Growth, Relationships

Photo Credit: Kristina Flour on Unsplash

“The most common trait I have found in successful people is that they conquered the temptation to give up.”

– Peter Lowe

The Two Parts Of Commitment

There are two parts to commitment, whether you’re in a relationship or you’re in business. 

This first part is a declaration or a promise with a long-term end goal.

It’s the “I do” in a marriage ceremony.   

The second part is the verb, it’s the follow through. It’s the “I do” that we act on every day. Where we show up and step up with the action of commitment. And in part two, there’s actually a cycle to commitment. 

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What Is The Commitment Cycle?

During the last two years that we’ve been in business, I feel like I’ve constantly been running through this cycle. However, whether you’re in business or in a relationship, the cycle is the same. 

The first part of the cycle involves testing it out. For instance, let’s say that you’re single and you’re trying to attract a handsome man’s attention. So you write him a note and he responds favourably. 

The second time, you send flowers but it turns out he’s allergic to flowers and he’s not overly impressed.

Now, since you’re a smart cookie, you learn from that incident and the next time you decide you’ll fix his computer. He absolutely loves this because he can’t do it for himself. 

Of course, that’s a big improvement over the flower debacle. 

So, what do you do the next time? Well, you re-enter the cycle. Every time that you succeed and make it to the end of the cycle, your trust and expectations in each other grow. This results in you starting to rely on him for certain things.

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When We Get Stuck In The Commitment Cycle

However, you can get stuck in certain places within this cycle.

For instance, let’s say that after the flower debacle you don’t learn from the incident and instead, you decide to end the relationship because of that “failure”. This means that you don’t grow and when we get stuck in the cycle at the failure part, we break our commitment.

However, as John Maxwell says in his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn:

“Observe any successful person, and you’ll see someone who doesn’t see a mistake as the enemy.” 

Failures and mistakes will happen to all of us but we can’t allow them to break our commitments or we’ll never achieve success in our relationships or businesses.

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Marking Our Commitment With Intentions

In the first section, we make that promise. In the second part, we mark it with intention. Every time we mark commitment with intention, we strengthen our commitment. 

So, you can set your intention toward your husband or your wife by choosing to say to them every day: “good morning, how was your sleep?” Marking your commitment with intention doesn’t have to involve grand gestures. Instead, it can be in the small consistent things we do. 

One of the things I do is to look at the ring Melis gave me for my 16th birthday and remember our young love.

For a moment, I pause and think about that young love we had. 

Another way I set my intention to mark my commitment toward my husband is by keeping his picture beside my clock. Even though I don’t even have it in a frame, it’s one of my favourite photos of him.  

And every time I look at the cock, I see him. 

When you set your intention, you intentionally grow your commitment. Dr. John Van Epp calls this practicing the presence of your partner. 

Photo Credit: Caroline Attwood on Unsplash

The Secret Sauce Of Commitment

It can look similar in our business too. 

For example, I’ve committed to meeting with our clients and so I put them in my calendar. I mark in times to check in with them when I need to reconnect with them. To make sure I don’t forget, I also set my alarm on the day of the meeting so I make time to prepare before I meet with them. 

All of these small actions means that I’m setting my intention toward my clients. 

The secret sauce of commitment is that when we hit that failure phase (and everyone will hit that phase regardless of whether you’re in business or in  a relationship) we learn from it. Instead of quitting, we get up, learn and improve. Then we re-enter the commitment cycle and keep going. And this is the secret to success. 

Each and every one of us sets intentions. And I’d love to hear from you. How do you set your intention toward your business or in your relationships? 

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What’s ONE thing you do to set your intention toward your business or in your relationship? Share your thoughts below! We love to hear from you.

About Ann

Ann’s work is centred on the belief that every woman has purpose. So her mission is to empower a community of women to live their extraordinary lives with joy…

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Ann Visser


Mindset & Leadership Coach

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