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Right Fighters: PART 3 - How To Become A “We” Fighter • 4 Better 4 Ever

Right Fighters: PART 3 – How To Become A “We” Fighter

by | Feb 22, 2018 | Marriage, Mindset, Relationships

Photo Title: My Parents When They Were Young

Welcome to the final post in the Right Fighters series. If you missed the other posts, catch up on them here:

NOTE: this quiz will be available for free for only a limited time, so take a few minutes now to discover what kind of a fighter you are!

Being A We Fighter Begins At Home…

Since my mom has passed away from cancer, I have had the honour of getting to know my father at a deeper level.

You see, although my parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect, they loved each other deeply. And so my dad did certain things for my mom – even if it wasn’t his preference – but he did them because he loved her.

Some of them were big things and some were much smaller everyday things that he let some things go for the sake of their relationship…

Things like cleaning up the kitchen right after a meal. I learned that he preferred keeping things tidy, which I never knew until after her passing because he chose the “we” over this less important preference.

So how can we develop this We Fighter attitude?

It begins with 3 simple steps…

3 Simple Steps To Become A We Fighter

Step 1 – Awareness

We can’t change what we don’t know.

The first thing we can do is to monitor our “rightness” by asking ourselves:

  • How often in the run of a day does “being right” come up?
  • How often do I need to be right?

It may even be helpful to take a few days and mark down on a piece of paper every time that we want to be right at home, with friends or at work.

Then at the end of each day, count it up.

Are you a right fighter? (Sometimes we surprise ourselves!)

Step 2 – Pause

This is such a simple step that we might be tempted to ignore it…

But remember that small changes CAN make a big difference!

Let’s take a moment to pause before we talk and instead, let’s listen and reflect:

What’s our goal? Do we really need to be right?

If we’re a surgeon, then, of course, we need to be right. However, if we’re at home and it’s about who put the keys where… then maybe, just maybe, we don’t need to be right.

Instead, we can practice choosing our relationship over being right…

And say to ourselves, “I want Melis (or whatever your partner’s name is)… I do not need to be right.”

Each time we do this, our commitment is showing up.

Now, let’s kick it up into high gear…

Step 3 – Think

Think of items that remind us of our partners… it could be a ring, a special place or moment you shared.

It might be a joke only the two of you know about or a picture that brings fond memories.

Photo Credit: Ann Visser

Aim to think about that particular item 3 times each day and relive that special memory again.

We’re intentionally reminding ourselves of that commitment.

Another way to describe this is that we’re renewing our mind with our commitment towards our partner. Let’s do this together…

Choose our partners over being right. Choose our commitment over being right.

Is Anything Worth Fighting About??

We’ve just talked about choosing our relationship over being right…

But does that mean we should never “be right”? Should we always choose our relationship over going to the mat about something?

Absolutely not!

Some things are worth the battle, and in our next post, we’ll talk about the 1st of 4 areas that are worth fighting for.

Need Help To Move From Being A Right Fighter To A "We" Fighter?

If you would like help creating the marriage you want, I can help you get there. 

About Ann

Ann believes that every Christian marriage will face circumstances that will create emotional space causing the wife to feel lonely, scared and unhappy. But the good news is that when couples have already experienced a loving and supportive relationship, then they can get back to that… 

More About Ann

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Ann Visser

 

Mindset & Relationship Coach

ann@4better4ever.com

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