16 Differences Between A Powerful Mindset And A Victim’s

by | Jan 14, 2020 | Leadership, Mindset, Personal Growth, Relationships

Photo Credit: Allie Smith on Unsplash

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Experimenting With Being A More Powerful Woman

Many years ago, I was walking on a beautiful white sandy beach with Melis during a holiday in the Caribbean and he said to me: 

“Today is your day. You make all the decisions today. Where we eat, what we do. You can decide whatever entertainment we’re going to do.” 

He continued, “Let’s do that every second day. One day is your turn and the next day is my turn and I’ll make all of the decisions.” 

At first thought, it sounded like a fun idea, but as the day progressed, I could not believe how much I leaned into him to make those decisions and how I deferred to him.

And so, each decision that I made was difficult and I would look at him and say, “Do you want to play a game?”

And he would say, “It’s your day!”

Learning That I Wasn’t Living As A Powerful Woman

That day, I understood that I was deferring to Melis about a lot of decisions, which was easy to do because if things didn’t work out, then I could blame him.

I recognized that I was working out of a victim mentality so my husband could be the fall guy for anything that didn’t work out in our relationship or in our lives. 

That was a BIG aha moment where I became aware that I needed to take responsibility for my choices. And more than that, I needed to step up to the plate in our relationship.

It wasn’t Melis that was keeping me from being powerful — it was my own mind and head. 

Underneath all of that, I had believed the lie that he would make better decisions than me. And that lie kept me from stepping up to the plate to be a real partner for him in our marriage.

So what is a powerful person? 

Photo Credit: bruce mars from Pexels

1) What It Means To Be A Powerful Person

A powerful person is someone that we are but it’s also something we do

The first part — “someone that we are” — is based on knowing Whose we are and who we are. 

It’s where we know that we are worthy of love and belonging. And for those of us who have faith in Jesus Christ, it also means knowing that we belong to God our Father and we have confidence in His love and care for us regardless of our circumstances. 

The second part — “something we do”  — is about our character. This involves how we work our identity out as we live our lives. 

Photo Credit: Robert Anasch on Unsplash

2) The Difference Between A Powerful Person Vs. A Victim

A POWERFUL PERSON… A VICTIM…         
Takes responsibility for themselves Blames others for their circumstances and situation
Owns their thoughts and feelings Doesn’t know what they’re thinking or feeling
Communicates their needs and desires clearly Expects others to guess what they need and want
Takes responsibility for their choices and decisions Waits for others to make decisions for them
Lives their lives proactively Sit back and lets life happen to them
Sets healthy boundaries in relationships Doesn’t understand what healthy boundaries look like 
Respects other people’s boundaries Steps over other people’s boundaries to get what they want
Gives out of their power Gives from their lack
Takes action to achieve their goals Expects other people to do the work
Creates meaningful connections for themselves and for others Uses people to meet their needs and get what they want
Celebrates with others when they’re successful Feels jealous when others do well
Feels confident in who they are Manipulating others out of insecurity
Uses words like “I can”, “I will”, “I choose” Uses words like “I would have”, “I don’t know how”, “I can’t”
Takes responsibility and apologizes for mistakes Blames others and refuses to acknowledge errors
Feels comfortable in their own skin Feels easily offended by others
Sees possibilities even in challenges Feels fearful and anxious about life

 

Photo Credit: Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Why It’s Important To Embrace Our Power

It’s important to embrace the power we have as people because this impacts how we choose to show up in the world. It also affects how they navigate relationships with other people. 

And if we want to make a difference in our families, workplaces, churches or communities, then we need to get rid of any victim mentality.

Instead, we need to take full responsibility for ourselves and embrace the powerful women of God that we are so can positively influence the people around us.

Want to learn how to inspire, motivate and influence more people?

Learn how to change your inner world so you can change your outer world! 

What helps you to be a powerful person? Share in the comments below! We love to hear from you.

About Ann

Ann’s work is centred on the belief that every woman has purpose. So her mission is to empower a community of women to live their extraordinary lives with joy…

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2 Comments

  1. Deborah Christie

    When I read this portion of your blog, it immediately struck me!! This is me! This is how I feel and think!
    **Why Is It Hard For Some Women To Embrace Their Power?
    “I think there are different reasons, one of which is that there are so many examples of power being misused that we or (I) become afraid of it.”
    Another reason is that sometimes in Christian circles we’re afraid of the word “power”. We see it as a negative word and go to the other extreme to avoid appearing power hungry or boastful when really, we should be the most empowered people in this world (another word that’s often distrusted is “happiness”).
    This is so good! Bringing me clarity and perspective!

    • Ann Visser

      Dear Deborah, What great new awareness Deborah!

      I think we are afraid of the word- Power esp as women in Christian circles. We want to be seen as kind and compassionate and the word power seems to be opposed to our prespective of compassion. So glad you found new clarity! Blessings, Ann

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