The Nice Girl And The Jerk

There were signs while they were dating… but Sharon didn’t say anything because she thought that she could help change Stan.

Sharon was sweet, kind and very soft-spoken. She was hard not to like. So it was no surprise that Stan was drawn to her.

But everyone was surprised when Sharon started dating Stan. He wasn’t exactly a bad boy but he was very different from Sharon: He was loud, domineering and well… he didn’t always treat her very well.

At first, it was just little things… he wouldn’t call when he said he would or he’d show up late. Or he’d tease her in front of people in a way that left her feeling small.

Despite these things, Sharon appreciated his strength and confidence. And the truth was… deep down inside, she didn’t believe that she deserved any better.

So she put up with those things and eventually they married…

The problem was Stan didn’t change after they got married. In fact, things got worse and Sharon felt stuck in a relationship where she felt unappreciated, unloved and belittled.

She wondered, How did I get stuck here?

Why A Nice Girl Ends Up With A Jerk

This is going to sound controversial…

Because we’re all told to forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones. Be a nice girl. Be a good girl…

And if you’re too strong – especially as a woman – you’ll be seen as somebody who won’t be a good partner. Because the definition of femininity, both inside the church and outside, is that you’re supposed to be sweet and kind.

Being sweet and kind is okay but boundaries are important. We need to set those clearly.

When a dating partner is crossing those boundaries repeatedly, it’s okay… no, it’s GOOD to walk away.

Unfortunately, sometimes we may stay because we’re afraid of being alone. Or we’re afraid of hurting someone because we so much.

However, a guy isn’t treating us right, in the end, we lose a sense of who we are.

Let me say this again because it’s so important:

It’s GOOD for nice girls to have boundaries. It’s GOOD for nice girls to say no and to follow through on that no.

Another Nice Girl And Another Jerk

Heidi had been getting to know Mike over the past few months. She really liked him… 

The problem was, she had no idea if he was really interested. One time he said he was going to call and she waited all evening for him to call.

When she asked him about not calling, Mike couldn’t believe Heidi was waiting for his call…

Eventually after a number of disappointing incidents where Mike didn’t call, didn’t follow through on plans, or didn’t show up, Heidi confronted him. She said that she didn’t want to spend time with him anymore because of these things.

Mike’s response surprised her. He seemed genuinely humbled by her message and said that no one had ever said things like that to him before. He promised her to work on things.

Cautiously, Heidi agreed to give him another chance.

At first, things went better than expected. He followed through on everything and their friendship began to grow into dating.

And then it started to happen again.

By this time, Heidi had gotten to know some of his friends and what she discovered was disappointing. It turned out that Mike treated all of his friends the same way that he treated her. 

So Heidi decided she didn’t want that kind of a relationship. She told him she wasn’t interested in spending time with him anymore. Mike protested and asked her to give him another chance… to forgive.

But Heidi had seen and heard enough to know that Mike wasn’t really interested in changing so she ended things for good.    

What A Nice Girl Needs To Learn

If we allow others to call us names, belittle, demean and we don’t stand up to that or walk away from that, then it will continue.

We teach people how to treat us.

Let me tell you, lovely ladies, that you’re worth it! You should be treated with respect and dignity.

(Note: the two stories are compiled from my years of working with many women and couples, so the names and details, while true in nature, are made up.)