There’s More To Connection Than You Think

by | Mar 22, 2018 | Marriage, Mindset, Relationships

Photo Credit: Ann Visser 

“Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued–when they can give and receive without judgement.”

– Brené Brown

The fourth and last of the four areas that is worth fighting for is connection… and there’s more to connection than you think.

#4 – We Need To Fight For Connection

Gary Smalley says that a woman has a natural built-in marriage manual. (So if you want to know what’s wrong with your marriage, ask your wife 🙂 )

This is fascinating because most of the time it’s the woman who comes to us for help, not the man. And 99% of the time she says to us, “I need you to fix my husband.”

Usually, she knows what’s wrong with her marriage, and frequently what she really wants is connection.

She wants to understand his heart… to know him better, and she’s struggling to get there.

And yet, some of the things that she’s trying to do to know him better are actually working against her (a topic for another post).

When it comes to connecting in marriage, there are 3 different ways that we can connect:

  1. Body
  2. Soul
  3. Spirit


An important part of reconnecting, of helping a couple feel close and connected is sex.

Sex also helps a couple to minimize the challenges they’re facing and know that they are one.

Physical intimacy is a beautiful part of marriage that God gave us as a gift where we can mutually please and cherish each other in the midst of our bodies meeting together.


When I think about connecting at the soul level, Gottman’s 5 magic hours come to mind – which is now 6 magic hours. Spending time together to get to know each other’s hearts, hopes and dreams… that’s connecting at the soul level.


The third area is a spiritual level because we are spiritual beings. We need to connect with God and with one another.

Some of the ways we can connect spiritually together are by praying, attending church, getting involved in a church family or by serving (these are just some suggestions).

Connection needs to happen in all 3 areas for a marriage to be healthy: our bodies, souls and spirits.

Some Things Are Worth The Battle…

These 4 areas are worth the battle.

However, they aren’t the only 4 positive areas that are worth fighting for, but these are key ones that can really make a positive difference in your relationship.

I want to encourage you to fight for connection in your relationship – don’t let this one go. If you’re feeling disconnected or alone in your marriage, that’s a signal that things need to change. Try focusing on connecting in the three areas I’ve outlined above.

However, if you’re feeling stuck in this area, you’re not alone. I can help you regain the connection you long for. Click here to learn more.

Feeling lonely in your marriage?

Imagine what it would feel like to be heard… to be seen… to be treasured.
Want to read the other blog posts about what is worth fighting about? Click on the posts below:

About Ann

Ann is on a mission to equip Christian women to communicate confidently and clearly for a closer connection. The good news? Communication is a skill so anyone can learn it even if you’re struggling to communicate right now. Want to communicate more clearly and confidently?…

More About Ann


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Ann Visser


Life Coach

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