3 Tips To Calm Relationship Anxiety

by | Oct 15, 2019 | Marriage, Mindset, Personal Growth, Relationships

Photo Credit: Josh Willink from Pexels

Relationship Anxiety Landed Me… On The Couch

I was sleeping on the couch again. 

Honestly, I don’t even remember what the argument was about but I sure was dwelling on it… going over it again and again in my head. 

You know those hamster wheels? That was me. Caught in an endless loop of my thoughts about the argument. 

Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to get off that wheel once you hop on. 

And then, because of this, I was flooded with such strong emotions that I overreacted to my husband. The result was that I was sleeping on the couch. 


Photo Credit: Karsten Paulick from Pixabay

The Impact Of Relationship Anxiety

That was years ago. I don’t remember what the argument was about but I do remember that it was strong enough that I wasn’t able to sleep that night.

Here’s the thing, when we’re so upset that we end up ruminating on something our husband has done and we can’t let that thought go, then it’s going to breed anxiety like a whole bunch of little mice. 

This is how it works… 

We get so flooded with emotion that our feelings fill us up like a pop bottle.

Then the least bit of shaking causes us to explode at the people that we love the most. And of course, our loved ones are the people that we really don’t want to do that to. 

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If you can relate to this topic, then I want to encourage you that you’re in the right place. And you’re not alone in your struggle.  

Here are three practical and simple tips that you can use immediately to help calm the relationship anxiety in your marriage. 

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Tip #1 – Listen To Yourself

Just as you would listen to your best friend, take some time to listen to yourself with compassion. Ask yourself, “What are the thoughts that I’m thinking?”  Write those out in a journal. 

Next, listen to your feelings. Again, write those out in a journal to validate that this is the way that you feel. 

Sometimes our thoughts and feelings get scrambled like eggs and we lose clarity about what’s really important to us.

And that’s where we need to go next — we need to go to our core values. 

What is a core value? 

Simply, it’s a value that’s so important to us that we live by it. And when we’re in the best state of mind, it’s the place that we go. 

Our core values come from knowing who we are and Whose we are. 

For me, my core value is that I want to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. And secondly, I want to love the people around me and I want my husband and family to know that I love them. 

Returning to our core values will help us to respond to the people around us, rather than react to them. Then our family can know that we love them above everything else. 

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Tip #2 – Get Some Movement In Your Life

Move every day. This will help you to settle down your anxiety. 

“Good things come to those who sweat.” – Anonymous

Recently, a young mom told me that when she was struggling with anxiety her doctor told her very clearly, “You need to exercise.” 

My own doctor told me recently as well that I need to exercise. Thirty minutes of sweat at least three times a week is good for our health. 

When we exercise, it produces endorphins and these chemicals help to relieve stress and produce a feeling of well-being. So, we need to move. 

Another benefit of regular exercise is that it will help you to get better sleep, which is always an important factor in reducing anxiety.

Photo Credit: Tatiana Vavrikova from Pexels

Tip #3 – Be Real With People You Trust

Share with those closest to you how you feel. Be vulnerable with them. This can help you to manage the relationship anxiety that you’re feeling. 

Because here’s the thing, when we’re struggling in our relationship, we tend to rewrite the story of that relationship.

The anxiety we’re feeling causes us to see things differently and to exaggerate things in an unhelpful way. It can even cause us to see something in a different light than maybe was intended. 

So it’s good for us to remember when we’re in that hyper state of anxiety that our minds can trick us into creating a story that isn’t there

These are my three simple tips for calming your relationship anxiety. But maybe you have some tips of your own that have helped you to manage and reduce your anxiety in your relationship. Take a moment to share in the comments below!

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Which of the three tips do you like the best? Write the number in the comments below!

About Ann

Ann is on a mission to equip Christian women to communicate confidently and clearly for a closer connection. The good news? Communication is a skill so anyone can learn it even if you’re struggling to communicate right now. Want to communicate more clearly and confidently?…

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  1. Grace Johnson

    Tip 1

    Journaling helps me process my feelings and thoughts.

    • Ann

      Hi Grace,
      Journaling is such a great way to sort ourselves out and bring clarity.
      What does journaling do for you? Do you journal everyday?


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Ann Visser


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