Are You The Most Powerful In The Relationship?

by | Mar 8, 2018 | Marriage, Relationships

Photo Credit: Ann Visser 

After Melis and I had five children, I looked at him and said, “No more! “

We both wanted a large family and were blessed with having five children in seven years. At the same time, it made our household very busy, very quickly.

And after our final boy was born, we decided our family was complete…

But what if instead of five children and two adults, there were six children and only one adult?

Only the sixth child was actually one of the parents who was supposed to be acting like an adult…

For some couples, they function more like a parent-child relationship when power isn’t mutually shared.

So, the second of four areas we need to battle about in our marriage is – POWER!

Sounds kinda funny, doesn’t it… we’re going to have a power struggle over power. Let me explain…

#2 – We Need To Fight About Power

Power most often shows up in terms of time and money.

And in a healthy relationship, power is mutually shared.

One person isn’t a lot more powerful than the other person; one person isn’t a god in the relationship.

Instead, a healthy couple passes the baton of power back and forth and they decide together what the sharing looks like.

This means one person isn’t making all of the decisions about…

  • Money or holding the purse strings alone – financial decisions are made together
  • How they spend their time and who they spend it with

It’s also important to distinguish between accountability vs. permission:

In a healthy relationship, a couple is accountable to each other about where they go and what they do but couples don’t need permission from each other to do this or that.

Couples let each other know where they are and what they’re doing so that they have an open, honest and transparent relationship. This kind of communication builds trust and connection because there’s no question about where they are or what they’re doing.

Permission, on the other hand, suggests that it’s a parent-child relationship…

And one person holds more power than the other.

When one person needs permission to go places, do things or see other people, that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

So, how power is shared in a relationship is far too important of an issue to simply ignore

If your relationship has an imbalance of power, then I’d encourage you to work towards having equal footing with each other.

This can be hard to do, depending on the history of your relationship and what kind of a foundation you’ve built. If you’d like support to create a relationship where there’s mutually-shared power, you don’t have to do it alone. 

I was a woman who once hid behind her husband, but now we have an equal (and much more fulfilling) partnership. I can help you get there too

Ready To Stop Feeling Lonely And Start Feeling Connected?

Want to read the other blog posts about what is worth fighting about? Click on the posts below:

About Ann

Ann is on a mission to equip Christian women to communicate confidently and clearly for a closer connection. The good news? Communication is a skill so anyone can learn it even if you’re struggling to communicate right now. Want to communicate more clearly and confidently?…

More About Ann


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Ann Visser


Life Coach

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