11 Relationship Experts On How To Help Your Marriage

by | Feb 11, 2020 | Marriage, Relationships

Originally published: April 6, 2018


The #1 Thing That Can Help Your Marriage

If you needed to find resources to help your marriage today, where would you go?  

Do you feel overwhelmed by all the marriage material available?

I just typed the words “marriage help” in Google and over 1 billion results turned up.

Talk about brain overload!

Don’t get me wrong – it’s absolutely wonderful that there are so many resources. We need them. I need them. You need them.

However, sometimes more choices don’t make it easier… Have you ever stopped by the store to pick up toothpaste and it literally takes you at least 10 minutes to choose one because there are so many options?

Well, your marriage is a lot more important than buying toothpaste…

And I wanted to make it easier for you to know where to get started. So I’ve asked some of the top relationship and marriage experts in the field this question:

What’s the #1 thing a woman can do to help her marriage?

Not 10 things… or 5 things… or even 2 things… just 1. (well, 1 thing from each expert 🙂

Because that’s how we get started… one step at a time. So if you’re struggling in your marriage or you’d like to move your marriage from not “in the mood” to sizzling and satisfying (yep, we’re gonna talk about sex!)… then keep reading…

1) Be the person you want to be with

“Be the person and partner she most wants to be, based on her deeper values. The only chance of getting the partner you most want to have is to be the partner you most want to be.”

Dr. Steven Stosny, Founder of CompassionPower and renowned author and media consultant on relationships, anger and abuse, including the book Love Without Hurt.

2) Be a sexually confident wife

“The best thing a woman can do to help her marriage is to be willing to LOOK at the answer to the question, ‘Am I a Sexually Confident Wife?  What is it like for my husband to have sex with ME?’ And if she needs help in this area, reading The Sexually Confident Wife book, or diving into one of my Women at the Well 4-day Intensive Workshops would be a great place to start!”

Shannon Ethridge, M.A., life/relationship coach, international speaker, and author of 20+ books including the million-copy best-selling Every Woman’s Battle series.  

3) Put yourself in your husband’s shoes

“The #1 thing a woman can do to help her marriage is put herself in her husband’s shoes – and hopefully he will do the same for her. When a couple accurately sees the world from each other’s perspective, life doesn’t get much sweeter.”

Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, founders of SYMBIS.com, clinical psychologist and marriage & family therapist, and best-selling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts and I Love You More.

4) Pursue health, happiness and holiness on your own

“Pursue health, happiness, and holiness on your own. When you feel contented and confident as a woman, you can love your husband from a place of wholeness and overflow, rather than expecting him to fill your emptiness or fix your problems. The equation of a good marriage isn’t half plus half equals one, but one plus one equals one.”

J. Parker, Christian Sex Speaker & author of Hot, Holy & Humorous and featured guest on the Sex Chat For Christian Wives Podcast.

5) Speak well of your husband and be assertive in your intimate life

“Speak well of your husband, let him know how much you want and need him, don’t ask him questions (but do ask his opinion), avoid the “why” word. Enjoy him, be assertive in your intimate life!”

Dr. Kevin Leman, internationally-known psychologist, award-winning author, humorist, radio and TV personality, speaker and New York Times bestselling author including Sheet Music: Uncovering The Secrets Of Sexual Intimacy In Marriage and The Birth Order Book.


6) Stop emasculating your husband

“The #1 thing a woman can do to help her marriage is to stop emasculating her husband by telling him what to do or how to do things (her way). Let him be different, celebrate who he is and what he brings to your relationship, and stop telling him where to park and how to fill the dishwasher.”

Jill Savage, founder of Hearts at Home, speaker and author, including her most recent book No More Perfect Marriages, which she co-authored with her husband Mark.

7) Realize that sex is not just for your husband, but for you too

“Realize that sex is not just for him, but for you, too. You need it! It helps you feel close. It relaxes you. It even helps you sleep better! It may take a while for it to work like clockwork, but make it the most fun research project you’ll ever do. And remember that for women, libido is mostly in our heads.

Don’t wait for your body to say, ‘Hey, I want this tonight!’ Instead, TELL your body what it wants. ‘I love my husband. I want to feel close to him. I want to feel relaxed. I want to have fun! So we are going to do this, and it is going to be awesome!’

If your sex life is regular and fun, you’ll find that it’s a solid foundation for everything else, and it will make it much easier to stay friends, to keep the tension level down, and to deal with any other problems that come up!”

Sheila Wray Gregoire, speaker about sex and marriage, blogger at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and author of 8 books, including of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex.

8) Develop a loving, intimate connection with your husband

“A woman’s best strategy in creating a marriage that lasts a lifetime is to make it her goal to have a loving, intimate connection with her husband. Determine to identify, value and communicate your own needs in a way that helps to decrease anxiety and helps restore, build or strengthen your connection.

Just as important is to learn to listen well to what his needs are because this sends a message you care about these needs and will find a way to meet them. All these decisions work together to help you win the ongoing war between love and fear.”

Danny & Sheri Silk, President and Vice-President of Loving on Purpose, a ministry that helps people create, heal and strengthen vital connections in their lives. Danny is also the author of Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries


9) Keep God first

“Here is the top thing I practice and mentor and coach with: Keeping God #1 before a husband and Kids.”

Debbie Stroman, leadership and relationship coach, specializes in “unlocking the potential” through her coaching, speaking, training and writing.

10) Believe the best about your husband

“The number one way a woman can do to help her marriage is to truly believe the best about their spouse and then express that value, every day, in every possible creative way!”

Julie Gorman works with couples and women as a coach, trainer, speaker and author. She also writes, produces and hosts a weekly broadcast with FYI and is the founder of For Your Inspiration and His Love Extended Ministries.

11) Stay close to God

“Stay close to God! The more we know Him, the more clearly we will understand and follow His will for us in marriage – to love our husbands with humility and selflessness, to persevere through the rough seasons, and to build up our families in wisdom and grace. ‘We love because He first loved us’ (1 John 4:19).”

Becky Kopitzke, blogger, singer, speaker and author of The SuperMom Myth: Conquering the Dirty Villains of Motherhood.

What’s Your Next Step?

As you can see, each expert shares one really important thing that you can do to improve your marriage.

The key thing is to be intentional about creating the marriage you want; great marriages don’t just happen accidentally.

If you found the post helpful and you’d like to take this a step further, then I encourage you to download the powerful printable below.

NOTE: this post contains affiliate links and we will receive a small amount of affiliate commission if you decide to purchase these products. This adds zero extra cost to you but helps to keep 4Better 4Ever sustainable. We only recommend products or services we use or have found very helpful. Read more about that here.

Which piece of marriage advice did you like the most? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

About Ann

Ann is on a mission to equip Christian women to communicate confidently and clearly for a closer connection. The good news? Communication is a skill so anyone can learn it even if you’re struggling to communicate right now. Want to communicate more clearly and confidently?…

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Ann Visser


Life Coach


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